


Home is where Magnus is.

by CasualWinchester



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec unintentionally hurts himself, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Depressed Alec, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt Alec, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Break Up, Protective Isabelle Lightwood, Sad Alec, Sad Magnus Bane, Sleep Deprivation, Triggers? maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualWinchester/pseuds/CasualWinchester
Summary: Alec is struggling with the aftermath of his breakup with Magnus after his betrayal with Camille. He begins to sink into a depressed state without realizing it. Will the push of a horrible misunderstanding push him over the edge?





	

**Home is where Magnus is.**

**Alec:**

Emotions are nothing but distractions.

I had never regretted those words more than I did now. I had proven myself wrong when I said them, even if I didn't know that at the time.

My emotions now are making me throw myself back into the work of being a Shadowhunter. I had no idea how much I was neglecting my duties when I was off helping Clary, fighting Valentine, finding Jace, and realizing my true feelings for a certain glittery Warlock.

My breakup with Magnus actually did me some good, no matter how heartbroken I felt every single second of the day. It made me more focused as all the distractions that come from work distract me from the pain.

Well it does up until I try to sleep. That's when the pain is at it's worst.

My bed, though small. Seems too large and cold without the presence of another overly warm and snuggly body beside me. I feel so empty without my arms full of Magnus's body. The emptiness is mirrored by the empty feeling I have in my stomach whenever I think about him. The quiet of the night is prime time for my mind to wander to Magnus as there is nothing to distract me from doing it.

So most nights I just give up on trying. Choosing to instead go on patrol, train, or go on the odd small mission that comes up every so often now. It helps me work off any energy that I would have if I had tried to go to bed at a reasonable time. The time I sleep now is usually very early in the morning when I am too tired to even pull the blankets over me, let alone think. I always find myself waking up an hour or two after I fall asleep.

Mom has been beside herself with joy. She found out about my breakup with Magnus after overhearing it from Isabelle and Jace who were telling Simon or something like that. I have no idea what they are all up to now, I hardly ever see them.

As soon as she found out about the breakup she swooped right in there and tried to talk me into finding someone more appropriate to be with, now that I am over my rebellious period. Isabelle has tried to tell her that I am not interested in any of the girls she may send my way. Mom didn't listen though and kept sending more and more girls my way.

The only girl I was happy about seeing is Helen Blackthorn. Apparently her parents and mine both agree that no matter if we are both gay, we should be together because we are both pure Nephilim and we would do a good job at running the Institute together. They have been talking about wedding's behind our back without even talking to us about it.

I don't know why they bother, the last wedding I had didn't turn out right so there was no point trying again. Then again, another part of my mind has decided that the best thing to do is to actually go ahead with the wedding. When a Shadowhunter finds love, it is for life and nothing can take it's place if it's taken away. So I know now that I am not going to be happy with anyone now that Magnus doesn't want me. I can't say that I blame him for not wanting to be with me after what I done.

"Alexander!" My eyes snap open. Crap, I had been falling asleep at dinner again. This was happening too often now that it is actually becoming a big problem for me. "Stop being lazy and eat your dinner." Mother snaps at me before turning back to her own meal and shaking her head.

I gulp slightly before looking around the table. Both Isabelle and Jace are staring at me, the both of them look worried even though there is nothing for them to worry about. I am fine, just a little rough around the edges but it was nothing I couldn't handle myself.

"Actually, Mother...I'm not that hungry and if I don't hurry then I am going to be late for my rounds." I say before shoving myself up from my seat. Before she has a chance to get annoyed at me, I scrape all of my leftover food into Church's dish. The cat is going to get fat with all the food I have been giving him.

"That's okay Alexander. I will wrap something up for you to eat once you have finished. You are starting to look as pale as one of the Night Children." Mother waves me off with a flick of her hand.

I smile at her before hurrying out of the room. I want to get away as quickly and as far as possible so Isabelle has no time to question me about my behaviour. I don't need her knowing what's going on with me because I know she will get mad or annoyed. And the last thing I want is for someone to get angry and leave me. It was hard loosing Magnus but I think I would slowly die if I managed to lose Isabelle too.

I need to prove to her that I am okay. I need to do all these missions and patrols to let her know that I am okay and that I am still able to the job that I was signed up to do since birth. I need to show her it because maybe if she believes it then it might make the fact true. So far I don't believe in myself to do this job. I always end up injured in some way.

I don't think the injuries matter all that much as they are all small. Just a couple of cuts and bruises that don't even need the help of an Iratze to heal them. They will all heal on their own and the pain from them helps me keep my head straight. It reminds me that I can feel something else other than the pain and loss that has been the most constant thing in my life ever since Magnus left.

I don't think I could've ever imagined pain like this until now. I would take a thousand demon attacks if it meant that this pain would go away. But I know that this is what I deserve after what I done. Actually I think I deserve worse for doing something like this to Magnus.

Magnus. The man who brought me out of my shell and saved my life from eternal unhappiness. He showed me love and made me happy. Which is something I never thought I would ever have. I always thought it was Jace that I loved and I thought that I was never good enough because I wasn't good enough for him and I was happy with that. I believed that was my purpose in life. That I wasn't the type who got happiness, I was just around to make sure other people got theirs. I was okay with that as long as those other people included the people I loved, such as Isabelle and Jace.

Then when I met Magnus. Everything I ever knew went out of the window and I was so glad for it. He gave me the life I always wanted but never thought I would have. And the only way I could thank him was to betray him and go behind his back without speaking to him first. Sure I was never going to go through with what Camille offered, I just wanted to hear what she had to say. I wanted to know that there was something out there that could make me happy. Sure it was selfish for me to think that and I did realize that I was being selfish and that's why I was never going to do it.

I should've told Magnus though. He wouldn't of been as mad if I told him the truth then and there instead of going to see Camille more than once. He would understand the appeal in what she was saying, he had fallen for her tricks before. If only I had told him after that first time, I would've had the time to apologise and tell him that I didn't want to change him for anything in the whole world. He was my world and it was perfect. Now he is gone because I was stupid and there is nothing I can do to get that perfect world back again.

I shake that thought from my mind before setting off to start my rounds on the Institute.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I had lost track of how many days/weeks/months it had been since I had last saw Magnus.

Each day began to blur into one as I continued to lose more and more sleep, stopped eating as much as I should, and worked harder than I needed too. At least some of the new recruits had a good partner to practice sparring on.

This day turned out differently from all the others. Mother had sought me out for a mission bigger than then small demon runs I had been going on.

"Alexander, do you mind if I speak to you for a moment?" She asks as she steps into the training room. She comes in just as I am pinning a small but graceful girl to the floor.

Looking up I can see she is staring at me with the same worried expression Isabelle has been wearing. It's scary how much they look alike sometimes.

I guess I should've know that Mother would start looking at me weird. It's not hard to see something is wrong with me, no matter how hard I try to hide my issues, there are just some things that are hard to hide. The black bags from the lack of sleep, the bloodshot eyes that come from the crying, and the weight loss I had been going through.

"Of course, Mother." I say before leaning down slightly to help the gasping girl up. By the looks on her face I can see that I had gone a little too hard on her, even if I didn't mean it. Once she is on her feet I grasp her shoulder for a couple of seconds. Just long enough for me to say well done into her ear. It makes her smile brightly.

After that I cross over to Mom to find out what she needs from me.

"I need you to visit the home of the Warlock Catarina Loss. We might need her help on an upcoming mission." Mom hands me a large and thick folder. I briefly look in it to see a small plastic folder amongst piles of paper. Inside the plastic folder shows many, many passports and other forms of I.D.

"Why do you need me to do it?" I ask because I'm really not in the mood to have anything to do with any Warlock. Any form of magic will just remind me of Magnus and how he used magic to do the simplest of things. I used to try and teach him how to do it manually because why was he rushing when he literally had all the time in the world to do things. It also gave me an excuse to spend close up time with him. My favourite thing to teach him was cooking.

"Because you have experience in those fields and Jace and Isabelle are already out on a mission with Clary." Mother tells me. I can't help feeling slightly put out that they all went on a mission without me. Haven't I shown them that I am more than capable to do missions?

"What are they doing?" I ask her as I clutch the folder to my chest slightly. The feeling of loneliness in me is starting to make it hard to breathe. Have I managed to push my friends and family away too?

Mother looks taken aback slightly as if she was hoping I wouldn't ask her this question. I know then that she is hiding something from me. "It doesn't concern you Alec, now will you please report to the location on the folders. You will need to go now as we do not know how long Catarina will be at her Brooklyn home. She only comes once and a while to visit-" Mother cuts herself off then. Clearly she wanted to say something else but she stopped there with a quick worried glance at me.

"Okay. I will shower before I go." I tell her. I don't want to pester her with questions. The last thing I want to do is push her away by being annoying.

"Alec, wait." Mom takes hold of my wrist gently then pulls me further away from the crowd of people still in the room. "I want you to know that I love you. No matter what." She says as she strokes my hand slightly. I notice that her eyes have a strange watery look to them as if she wanted to cry. This is weird. The only time I have seen my mother cry was when Max died. Never has she cried over something as simple as telling me she loved me.

"I love you too Mom... are you okay." I ask but this only makes the tears fall. She shakes her head slightly before reaching up to take my face in her hands. Her fingers rub over my slightly too prominent cheekbones then onto the bags under my eyes.

"You are scaring me Alexander." She whispers then tucks some of my lifeless straggly hair out of my face. "You are so lost and I don't know how to find you anymore, no one does." Her hands grip onto my shirt as if she was trying to pull my soul out of my own body. "I love you Alexander, you are my baby boy and I hate, I hate seeing you this way. I am so proud of the man you are and I am sorry I didn't tell you that before. I always have been. Downworlder boyfriend or not." She says and I find myself speechless for a moment before I answer.

"I bet you are happy now you don't need to worry about that Downworlder boyfriend." I say with a laugh but I am only met with a hard glare from her.

"No. I'm not happy because you're not happy Alec." She states each of this with a tug to my shirt. "I no longer care who you are with, as long as they make you happy then I will be happy." she takes a breath. "No matter if they are a mundane, a vampire, or the high warlock of Brooklyn." She states and I feel myself flinch at Magnus's title.

"It doesn't matter anymore Mom. I lost Magnus for good so that means I will never be happy again. I will marry someone you want so we can run the Institute together like you wanted back with Lydia and I." I say before gently pushing her hands away from me. "I will get on the mission so you don't need to worry okay." I say before kissing her cheek and leaving the room.

I hardly even make it back to my own room before I burst into tears. I slam the door to my room behind me so no one will be able to hear my sobs. I crawl into my too empty bed so I can hide my face into my pillows.

I no longer care if crying makes me weak. I embrace that part of me because that part that is able to feel and show emotion is the part that Magnus helped create. And that means I will love that side of me until the day I die. Sometimes I wish that the day I die would happen sooner or later.

Mom's words continue to circle about in my mind as I let the tears fall from my eyes. I couldn't believe that she would ever be able to get over the fact that I was gay and in love with a Warlock, but here we are now. I could see it in her eyes when we were talking that she was almost begging me to talk to Magnus and to make it right. She had no idea though. Magnus would never want to see me again.

That thought has be silently sobbing for another ten minutes. After that my eyes seem too red and too raw to let anything else out of them. I can understand why they would be considering I cry most nights whenever I lay in this bed.

Once my tears have dried I push myself up from the bed, groaning in pain as I put a little too much strain on my cut's and sore muscles. I ignore it though because I know they will heal on their own time. Once up, I stumble my way to the bathroom to shower and try to make myself look presentable.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It turns out that Catarina lives not only ten minutes from the Institute. It's easy for me because I get there in good time. I was worried that I took a little too long in my too hot shower. I was concerned by what Mom said about not knowing how long she was going to be here. I doubted I missed her but if she was only visiting then I doubt she will just be sitting around in her house.

Once I get there I politely knock on the door. The house has two floors and has some strange flowers growing in the garden in front of her home. I doubt any of the Mundane's could see the garden. Some of these plants are obviously being grown for the use of potions. To anyone without the sight it would just look like a garden overgrown with grass and weeds.

After several moments I begin to hear voices inside the house. One is yelling in a motherly type way whilst another, slightly broken voice answers her back. A figure could be seen through the frosted glass on the door. It was a woman from what I could see.

When the door is pulled open I find myself staring into the familiar face of Isabelle.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, looking behind her with a slightly panicked look on her face. I can hear the voices a little more clearly now the door wasn't in the way. I could easily make out the voice of Jace, another female is there but I don't recognize her so she must be Catarina, Clary was in there too along with someone else who sounds slightly familiar. His voice is the one who sounds slightly broken. I can't help but to relate to whoever it is. I feel as broken as he sounds.

"Mom sent me here to talk to some warlock called Catarina Loss." I tell her as I hold up the folder Mom gave me. "She just needs to know her business here in Brooklyn since she hardly comes down." I finish. Without warning, Isabelle snatches the folder from me and closes the door slightly.

"Well we're here so we can do it, just go back please Alec." She looks slightly heartbroken and I have no idea why. "Get some rest, it looks like you could use it." She looks me up and down with worry in her eyes.

I am so confused right now. First she is pushing me away from whatever Jace, Clary, and herself are doing but then she act's worried for me. I don't understand what is going on and if I have pushed her away from me or not. Looking at it, it seems like I have but then she is treating me like a kicked puppy.

"Isabelle...I can't go back. I haven't completed the mission." I say to her before taking a step forward. As I do that, she closes the door a little more until only her head is sticking out.

"Well come back later Alec-" she is cut off when the door swings back open and Jace steps into view.

"Listen to Isabelle, Alec. Go home and come back later." Jace orders but I hardly hear him. The word home always causes me slight pain because the Institute is nothing but the Institute to me. My home is with Magnus at his loft with Chairman Meow.

"That's not my home." I whisper before looking down at the ground.

It seems that neither Isabelle or Jace heard what I said. Or maybe they just didn't care. I look back up, ready to tell them goodbye when the voices inside suddenly got louder and I heard something that broke my heart more than it already was. In fact, I don't think there is anything left in the place my heart sat in.

"Magnus darling, I love you more than you would ever know, always have and I always will." The unfamiliar voice calls.

"Cat, baby, you are my one true love I'm so glad you are in my life." The broken voice sing's back and it's only then that I realize that he was Magnus.

What they said dawns on me. Magnus has moved on from me, he has already forgotten about me and everything we had together. I guess that's what he deserves. Someone who will love him enough and not try to change him like I did. I just never thought he would move on so quickly. I thought we had something together and that he would maybe miss me as much as I missed him.

"Well...I guess-" I try to speak but my throat has gone thick causing me to swallow a bunch until I am able to speak slightly. "I guess that clears things up, I will report that back to Mom..." My voice breaks and I realize with horror that I can't control the tears falling from my eyes.

Both Jace and Isabelle stare in horror. Both of them had only ever seen my cry once or twice and that was when I was a kid. They hadn't seen me cry over anything with Magnus because I tried so hard to hide my pain from them. I guess they are really seeing the effect of the breakup on me now.

"Alec it's not-" Before Isabelle could come up with some lie to try and make me feel better I have turned around. I run away from the both of them, from the house that contains the love of my life and his new lover.

This must be the ultimate punishment for what I done to Magnus. It is probably the only thing that could make me hurt more than I already did. I actually don't feel the pain anymore, the only thing I feel is numbness. Not even the downpour of rain that has started could make me feel anything.

I don't stop running until I have made it back to the Institute and into my room. Several people tried to ask me if I was okay as I ran through the entrance to the Institute, one of them Mom. But I ignored everyone.

Once in my room I slam the door shut, locking and jamming it shut behind me so no one could get in behind me. After that I fall to my knees in a shaking pile.

How could I have thought that Magnus would miss someone as stupid and pathetic as me. I hurt him in one of the worst ways I possibly could, there was no way that he would love me or miss me after that. I don't know why I tried to kid myself all this time, thinking that I could maybe somehow get him back.

He had found someone so much better than me, someone who loved him and probably loved him for many, many years before I was born. I had no right to make him feel bad for having that.

Just because I didn't deserve someone, didn't mean he didn't.

I get up from the floor to drag my suddenly very heavy body to the bathroom. Once there I turn to wash my soaking face in the sink but what I am met with is my reflection in the mirror above the sink. I don't recognise the person looking back at me. He looks older than I am. His face is pale everywhere apart from his eyes, they are red from crying and they looked badly bruised from lack of sleep. His lips are white and his hair is flat and dull on his head. The person looking back at me looks more like a vampire than it looks like me.

I am filled with such a sudden rage at the man looking back at me. With a cry I swing my fist backwards then forwards with such a force that the mirror smashes under my hand and shards of glass go everywhere.

I don't care though. I don't care that blood is spilling over my hand from where the glass cut me. I just no longer care now.

It seemed that the last of my hope of ever being okay went out the window along with ever being happy again.

I hate that I am thinking this way but I know that it is true. I will never be happy because Magnus was the one love that I had. I'm never going to find someone else. And if I marry just to make my parents happy then I am just going to end up like them within the next five years. I am going to be resentful and I'll never be happy with the person that I married. It would only effect everyone else I loved. And it could possibly harm my relationship with any child I may have.

With that I fall to my knees on the bathroom floor. Not caring that shards of glass dig into my knees as the hit the ground. The pain doesn't register with me because the numbness I felt has now gone. The pain and loss was much worse than the glass under my knee's.

As I curl into myself I can hear the sounds of banging as someone tries to get into my room.

With the crash that follows I know that whoever it was had been successful in getting the door open. I can hear frantic voices as the look for me. I can tell one of them is Isabelle (she must have followed me here) and the other was my mother. They both sound like they are crying.

"I found him- oh god Alec what have you done!" Someone is pulling me close to them and holding me, doing nothing but holding me to their chest. I can tell who it by the smell of their shampoo, Jace. I had never heard my parabatai sound so distressed before and it makes me feel slightly guilty for making him sound like that. Jace was usually the cool one when it came to bad situations.   
I want to uncurl myself and to move away from him just so I can apologise for acting this way but I find that I can't do that. I don't want to move. I want to continue and sit in his arms like a child because I need this right now. I need him, and Isabelle, and mom. Most of all I need Magnus, I need him more than I have ever needed him before.

This is stupid. I am a Shadowhunter, we are not supposed to let our emotions go like this. I was brought up that way, it was how I was trained ever since I was able to walk. I never cried for anything as silly as this. But I just can't stop sobbing into Jace's chest.

"My poor baby," I feel Mom beside me, I can hear her brushing away all the glass from my body. I can feel her hand on my leg next to all the places the glass shards got stuck "I've never seen him like this. I didn't know that it was this bad." Mom was saying.

"No one did." Jace replies as he moves me over slightly to allow Mom to join us. I am glad to feel her arms around me. It's the first time since I was ten that I needed my Mom to take care of me. I was always the one who was around to take care of everyone else, ten seemed like a good enough age for me to make sure Max and Isabelle were taken care of whilst Mom and Dad did their business. Sometimes though, Mom would still come into my room and sing me to sleep. It all changed though when Jace arrived and he made me feel better. He was there when Mom wasn't. He helped me with Isabelle and Max. It was how we grew so close to each other. It was probably also why I thought I was in love with him.

Oh how little did I know what real love felt like.

"I don't think it was this bad until he went to Catarina's and heard what Magnus said" Isabelle was still standing slightly away from us. "I'm going to call them now and tell them that we found him and are bringing him over." I could hear the sound of her on her phone.

Wait. no, no, no!

"Stop!" I cry out to Isabelle suddenly. I pull myself from the safe and warm embrace of Jace and Mom's hold. I turn my whole body around to Isabelle to see her on the phone, somebody already answered her. "Isabelle, no you can't!" I sob. Isabelle looked shocked.

She squats down to her knees, tears are in her own eyes at the sight of me. She puts her hand on my cheek but doesn't hang up the phone. "Isabelle, please don't, don't do that to them please... I already caused him enough pain, please he will never ever forgive me if I ruin this for him... I can't-" I fall into her arms. The weeks of sleep deprivation and hunger are finally catching up with me.

"It's okay Alec, shh, shh it's going to be okay I promise....Catarina change of plan, we can't move him there's no way of doing it when he is already hurt." She strokes a hand through my hair. "Magnus knows where his room is doesn't he?... good get Magnus to open it and quickly please I hate see-" Isabelle is cut off when I reach for her phone, I fail but it is enough to get her to stop talking.

"Isabelle! You can't! You just can't!" I cry as she puts the phone back to her ear. "He doesn't love me anymore... he doesn't need to be bothered with this." Isabelle just continues to ignore my protests.

"Please hurry Magnus, you can hear the state he is in. He needs you more than ever." With that last sentence and a sudden flash of blue magic, I allow myself to succumb to darkness.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
When I next wake up I am no longer on the cold bathroom floor surrounded by broken glass and my family. I am on a large and familiar warm bed. Something furry is curled up on the pillow next to me. Turning my head I can see that it's a cat and at first I believe that it is Church and that he somehow managed to get onto my bed. Then I realize that the cat is in fact Chairman Meow.

I sit up in shock and it is enough to make the cat meow and jump up in annoyance but as soon as he see's that it was just me he begins to purr. He pounces lightly into my lap and curls up into a ball. I blink in shock before smiling slightly, I did miss the cat.

I look around the room to see it was our- Magnus's bedroom in the loft. Part of me wonders if the past couple of weeks were all just some bad dream but the bandages around my hand and the heavy feeling under my eyes tells me that it was all real.

Why would I be in our- Magnus's bed. By the angel I need to stop thinking of it as my home now. I have no idea why I would be here when Magnus could've just put me in the guest bedroom. Surely he would need this one for him and Catarina.

Outside the door I can hear two people arguing.

"Magnus, you extorted yourself enough with opening the portal and healing him. Just let me take a look at him for a while whilst you rest." The same voice I heard telling Magnus she loved him said. Oh god it's Catarina and Magnus. I can't listen to them talking.

Pain starts up in my chest again and I can't help but hold Chairman meow a little closer to me as if he would make things better. The only thing that will happen is that I will be sad to leave him behind when Magnus chucks me out again once I am healed. I know that things are just going to go back to normal as soon as I leave the loft, I'm going to go back to not sleeping and not eating. No matter how many times someone heals me, I will just go back to hating myself.

"Cat, it's my fault that he is in there in the first place. I am the one who made him do that to himself. I will be the one to heal him." The door opens slightly and Magnus takes a step in but he isn't looking at me.

"Magnus you are exhausted, go for a rest." Catarina pushes in beside him. She brushes by him, not looking up until she is fully in the room. "You will see- oh! You're awake." She jumps slightly when she see's me sitting up in the bed.

Magnus snaps his head around and we meet eyes for a second before I turn to look back down at the chairman. I can't bare to look Magnus in the eyes after everything. And considering I am imposing on him when he has finally moved on from me, I don't want to see his eyes because I am sure the only thing I will see in them is anger and I couldn't handle seeing that.

"How are you feeling?" Catarina asks before moving over to me. She holds out a hand towards me as if she was expecting something from me. I have no idea what it is so I just tighten my hold on Chairman Meow. He is kind of like my safety blanket here, the only one that probably still wants me around.

From the corner of my eye I can see Catarina look over at Magnus as if asking him for help. By the sound of footsteps I can tell Magnus is making his way over to me. Magnus gently rests a hand on her back before saying something to her. Just that small gesture sends a wave of pain through me and without realising it, I let out a small whimper.

"Alexander are you okay?" Catarina asks before going quiet for a moment. "Sorry Mag's, I'm a nurse. It's in my nature to make sure people are okay." To my surprise Magnus ignores her. He chooses instead to sit on the edge of the bed.

Slowly, as if he was testing the waters, he reaches around Chairman Meow (who jumps down from the bed anyway) to get to my injured hand. As soon as he touches my skin I feel sparks go up my arm. I feel warm just from such a little touch, it's the kind of feeling you get after returning home from a long day at work. It was the kind of feeling I got when Magnus would pull me close after a difficult mission. He would magic up blankets and hot chocolate for me before snapping his fingers to change me into something a little more comfortable. We would watch crappy mundane TV and he would play with my hair softly and without realizing it as he got too into one of his shows.

"Does it hurt?" Magnus whispers softly before running his thumbs over my knuckles. It stings slightly but I don't want them to make a fuss over me so I shake my head. "Alexander don't lie to me, I know when you are lying." Magnus states and he sounds slightly annoyed at me.

"I'm fine, it only hurts a little." I mumble, sounding a little like a child who was being told off for being bad. "Nothing to worry about." I add.

"You had glass shards stuck so deep into your hand that one shard actually got stuck on a bone." Magnus informs me. "I think that's plenty worry about." He starts to unwrap the bandage from my hand. "You're sure you got all the glass out?" Magnus looks over the faint and healing scars on my hand.

"Yes Magnus, I got all of it out. Stop fussing." Catarina steps back slightly. "It should be fine from here, I shall get his sister to perform a healing rune on him just to be sure." She goes to turn around but Magnus stops her.

"No, I can do it. I have done it plenty of times before, just get me his stele." Magnus points to the walk in closet that is attached to his room. I remember when most of my clothes used to be in there. So much of them in fact that Magnus awarded me with a whole side to it. It was more than I needed but he always said that it meant he could get more nicer clothes for me. "His jacket is on the right side, next to the shoes." Magnus tells Catarina who goes to fetch it straight away.

I look down at myself then to see that I am no longer wearing the same clothes as I was before. I was wearing soft black sweatpants and a dark green t-shirt. They seem new so they aren't mine, and I know for sure Magnus would never have something like this around for him to wear. Where did they come from then.

"Do you hurt anywhere else?" Magnus asks as he holds my hand a little tighter, he allows our conjoined hands to fall onto the bed in between us. "Don't lie to me this time, I need to know so I can help you." He says and I suddenly snap.

"Why do you want to help me?" I ask, my voice sounds as broken as I feel. "You don't want me anymore so why would you even bother?" I generally want to know why he is helping me when my family could've just treated me back at the Institute. Sure Warlock healing is a little better but I have no idea why either Magnus or Catarina would agree to do it.

"Alexander-"

"Please, don't call me that. It just reminds me of-" I cut myself off so I could get a hold on my words. "It reminds me of when you loved me and it hurts because you now...don't." I finish off lamely. I start to pull my hand back but Magnus grips it tighter. He then uses his other hand to push my chin up so I am forced to look into his eyes. It's the first time in weeks that I have been able to see them.

I hate how dull they look compared to the usual spark they had. Everything about him looks slightly off. His hair is laying flat against his head like mine does and it lacks any of the colours he is so fond to put in them. He wears no makeup around his eyes which are their natural cat eyed state. His eyes also look tired and bloodshot.

Can it be that he was struggling too?

The arrival of Catarina reminds me that he probably wasn't struggling. Catarina stops when she see's the way we are sitting. I feel bad for doing this when she is the one dating Magnus now. I want to pull away again but Magnus's grip on my face keeps me still.

"Here is his stele. I took the liberty to set out something cleaner to wear if he wishes to change. I'm going to see Raphael, I doubt he even knows I'm here so call me if I am needed." Catarina smiles brightly at me and all I can think is wow she is a cool girlfriend. Not many girlfriends would allow their bisexual boyfriend to sit in bed with his emotionally unstable ex-boyfriend. "I hope you feel better Alec." She smiles at Magnus before leaving.

"She's nice. I'm glad you moved onto someone like her." I say around the lump in my throat. The glare I got from Magnus after I said that was something I was not expecting.

"Alexander-" I go to cut him off but he holds up a finger in warning for me to shut up. "Alexander, do you think so little of me to think I would move on from you so quickly?" He asks. His hand moves from my chin to cup one of my cheeks. His hand is warm against my cold skin and I find myself leaning into his hand slightly.

"What do you mean? I heard what you said to her..." I say, confusion thick in my voice. "You said you loved her."

"Yes, I love her but not like that. I have known Catarina for years, she is like a sister to me." Magnus explains as a thumb strokes over my prominent cheekbones. "She came back to Brooklyn after Isabelle called her. She didn't think I was handling our breakup very well, I guess she was right." He says with a small shrug of his shoulders.

"You- what?" I say. Unable to think of anything to say. Magnus was struggling in the end. He was finding this whole thing as hard as I was finding it. "I thought you didn't want me?" It's meant to sound like a fact but it comes out in more of a question.

Magnus looks slightly horrified at the suggestion of not wanting me. "Oh darling, what did I do to you." Magnus looks like he is about to cry. I can't help but feel slightly guilty that the sound of his pet name for me makes my stomach do funny little flips. I missed him calling me that and I didn't know how much until this very moment.

My hands seem to work on their own as they come up to hold onto the bottom of his shirt, clinging onto it as if was the only thing keeping me sane. "You done nothing wrong. I was the one who hurt you...please don't cry for me." I say as I watch a tear fall from his eye.

"My sweet Alexander. You don't see it but I have broken you. I hurt you more than I expected too and for that I will never forgive myself like I have forgiven you." His other hand comes up to cup my other cheek. He moves closer to me on the bed until we are sitting right beside each other. The only part of us touching is his hands on my cheeks.

"You shouldn't forgive me either Magnus." I say with a small shake of my head. "I hurt you when I went to Camille. I shouldn't have done that to you... I was supposed to love you, not betray you." I close my eyes. "I couldn't love you right Magnus so I'm sorry." I say

"No Alec." I open my eyes to see Magnus staring at me with such passion in his eyes. "What you have done to yourself shows me just how much you love me. I forgive you okay? You adorable idiot." Magnus leans in to kiss the tip of my nose before leaning his forehead on mine.

"Magnus-"

"Nope. I'm not listening to you Alexander because all you are going to is try to tell me how to feel. I'm going to say exactly how I feel and that will be the end of it." He pulls back to stare into my eyes again. "I. love. you." He punctuates each word with a small tap to my nose. "And nothing you say will change that. Now if you are up for it, I would like to be with you again. These past couple of weeks have been hell for me."

I can't speak. The I love you that Magnus just said is the only thing I can think about.

"Darling?...it's okay if you don't want too...I just thought you would want to. I'm being selfish, I just wanted you to come home-" I'm suddenly throwing myself into Magnus's arms. The force of It almost sends us off the bed.

"I love you!" I cry into his neck as I hold myself as close to him as I possibly could. "Please, please I want to come home. I want to come home more than I ever had in my entire life." I don't know what it was but Magnus wanting me to come back home seemed to open the emotional dam inside me.

"My angel, of course you can." Magnus chuckles lightly before threading his hand in my hair, rubbing my head slightly. "I love you too." He kisses my forehead. "If I had it my way you would never leave this bed with me ever." He pulls us both back until we are sitting more comfortably in his...no, our bed. He pulls the blankets around us before snuggling close enough to me that my head ends up resting on his chest. I can hear his heart beating through his chest.

"I never want to leave. We can just live here, you can feed magic food to us and we can sleep all the time..." I trail off. Excitement laces my voice.

"Don't tempt me Darling. I would like nothing more than to have you sprawled out in this bed every single moment of the day." Magnus kisses my head.

I smirk at his comment before turning up to look at him again. "I love you." I say before leaning up to press my lips to his.

He kisses me back quickly, as if he was just waiting for the chance to do it himself. I welcome his tongue into my mouth when I feel him lick across my lips. The feel of his lips on mine really makes me feel like I am coming home.

We kiss for what seems like years before pulling back. We only break the kiss because I lean back to yawn. I had no idea how tired I still was.

"Right." Magnus declares then gives me one last chaste kiss. "I love you sweetheart but no more kisses for you until you have slept some more." He orders then curls into me a little more until I am cradled against his chest again.

"Fine, only if you stay with me." I mumble into his shirt.

"I wouldn't dream of anything else." Magnus yawns and I realize he must be tired too. He sure looks tired.

"Love you, just in case you forgot." I sigh happily before closing my eyes.

"As long as you don't forget that I love you too." Magnus tangles his legs with mine before kissing my head again.

"Never." I say before falling asleep.

It's easy to sleep now that I am no longer in a cold and lonely bed.

I was home.


End file.
